By: Sarah Huffer
I left another job. Looking closer into the situation I’m fearful I’ll never find my spot. Although, all my jobs have felt like home…deep down I know I’m just a tourist.
Jack of all trades by now. I’m really struggling in the employment area of my life. I sway whether I need to listen to my inner guidance or that my voice is just a spoiled brat. The really fun part is I get to pick the perception.
I’ve decided I’m going to give whatever this is a shot. Whatever this is that calls me, I’m going to listen and see where it takes me. I’ve realized nothing actually takes ME, I take it where IT wants to go. I’m not going to follow anymore. I’m going to lead…for once in my life. I’m going to stand up brave and say “here we go, are you down?”
And life is ecstatic I finally understand what it’s been saying for YEARS!
I’ve been so scared to fail. Pretty ironic for a walking wild card. All my carefully planned pieces only get me what I can see. It’s time to take my risks and just screw this all up!Wow! You totally tanked that workshop last night. What a shitty story you wrote or you literally helped zero people.I want embarrassed reactions and I feel sorry for you e-mails.Who knows maybe the dice will land right and I will reach places I can’t even imagine! I will grow from there.
I’m naturally good at many things, I’m scared shitless to think there might be something I suck at. I’m going to find that thing.
I can feel myself start to curl up. Negotiate about getting too big and justifying the benefits of being small. My inwards already do not like these very ideas written on paper.
There is no safety net to protect me from this. No pillow to soften the fall. I haven’t felt this way since I was 18 trucking to Florida from Indiana alone. I knew how big it was then, almost like I had no choice.
I have to keep reminding myself that the Universe wants to support me. Believes in me. Loves me.
I’m going to give failing a shot…maybe I’ll succeed. Either outcome will be better than staying the same.